SUBJECTS WITH MORE THAN ONE WORD

SUBJECTS WITH MORE THAN ONE WORD

Sometimes a sentence has a subject with more than one word, so you need to determine which of the words is the one that the verb has to agree with and which words simply provide extra information.

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To do that, pull the subject apart to find which word is the essential one. Let’s practice with this sentence:

▶ The guy with the mirrored sunglasses run in this park every morning.

The complete subject is the guy with the mirrored sunglasses, but who is it that does the running? It’s the guy, and the fact that he has mirrored sunglasses is simply extra information. You could remove the phrase with the mirrored sunglasses and still have a complete sen- tence — it might not be very informative, but it’s not incorrect.

To check for subject-verb agreement when a subject has more than one word, first locate the verb and then the complete subject. Then check each word in the subject until you find the one key word that determines the form of the verb. Since the simple subject here — guy — is in the third-person singular, and the verb is in the present tense, the verb should also be in the third-person singular:

▶ The guy with the mirrored sunglasses run in this park every morning.

Let’s try one more problem sentence:

▶ The neighbor across the hall from the Fudds always sign for their packages.

First, find the verb: sign. The complete subject is the neighbor across the hall from the Fudds. What part of that subject indicates who does the signing? Neighbor. Everything else is extra. Since it’s just one neighbor, the subject is singular, and since a third-person singular subject requires a present tense verb to have an -s ending, the edited sentence will be:

▶ The neighbor across the hall from the Fudds always sign for their packages.

Edit

The sentence below has four subjects and four verbs. One (or more) of the subjects is singular, so its verb should have an -s ending. Edit and make any necessary changes.

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295E-3b Shifts in tense

All of the boxes need to be stacked neatly, and every box need to be labeled; the red box with the taped edges fit on top, and each of the boxes need its own lid.

In casual speech, you may not use the -s ending, or it may be hard to hear, so you may not be able to rely on your ear alone to edit this sentence. Think it through, and consult S-5b and S-5f to help you choose the appropriate verb forms.

❯❯ SEE S-5 for more on how to edit for subject-verb agreement. Go to digital.wwnorton.com/littleseagull3 for additional practice.

E-3b Shifts in Tense

We live in the present moment; our ideas and our feelings are hap- pening right now. Often, though, our present thoughts — and com- ments — are responses to things that happened in the past or that haven’t happened yet. In conversation, we usually shift our verb tenses smoothly and automatically to account for actions that take place at different times, as in the following example of something you might hear or say:

▶ Flor is upset because Justin informed her that he will not be able to come to her graduation.

In writing, however, we need to take extra care to ensure that our tenses are clear, consistent, and appropriate to what we’re describ- ing. In contrast to face-to-face conversation — in which tone of voice, facial expressions, and hand gestures help create meaning — writing has to rely on carefully chosen words. Verb tenses work hard to put complex sequences of events into appropriate context. The previous example has three clauses, each in a different tense: Flor is upset (right now); because Justin informed her (in the past); that he will not be able to come (to an event in the future).

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Checking for shifts in tense

In academic writing, you’ll often need to discuss what other authors have written, and the different disciplines have different conventions and rules for doing that (see r-4e ). In classes that require you to use MLA style, for example, you’ll rely heavily on the simple pres- ent tense:

MLA Morton argues that even though Allende’s characters are not realistic, they’re believable.

Notice how argues, are not, and they’re all use the simple present tense even though Morton’s article and Allende’s novel were both written in the past. If you mention the date when something was written, how- ever, the verb should be in the past tense. In contrast, disciplines that follow APA style require that references to published sources and research results be stated in the past tense or present perfect tense:

APA Azele reported that 59% of the control group subjects showed high gamma levels.

Notice here that the two verbs in the sentence — reported and showed — are both in the past tense because both Azele’s research and the report were done in the past. Be careful, though, because your sources may be writing about current or future conditions. If that’s the case, be sure to preserve the tense of the original in your work, as the following example does.

APA Donnerstag and Jueves predicted that another Jovian moon will soon be discovered.

Regardless of what class you’re writing for, however, the most impor- tant thing about verb tenses is consistency — unless you have a rea- son to shift tense.

Editing confusing shifts in tense

Much of the editing that you do calls for sentence-by-sentence work, but checking for confusing shifts in tense often requires that you consider several sentences together. Starting at the beginning, mark every main verb , along with any helping verbs , in every sentence (remembering that there may be

297E-3b Shifts in tense

more than one clause in each sentence). Don’t make any changes yet; just mark the verbs. Next, go back to the beginning and notice what tense you used each time. Examine each tense one by one, and when you notice a shift to a different tense, read carefully what you have written and look for a reason for the shift. If you can explain why the shift makes sense, leave it alone. Then move on to the next verb. Is it in the original tense or the new tense? Can you explain why? Continue all the way through your text, examining every verb tense and making sure that any shifts you find can be explained. Let’s practice with two examples:

▶ Bates underestimated the public when she writes disparagingly about voters’ intelligence.

First, we mark the verbs — underestimated, writes — and we notice that the first is in past tense while the second is in present. Is there a clear explanation for the shift? No, not really. If you are using MLA style, you’ll want to put both verbs in the present: underestimates and writes. In APA style, past tense is more appropriate for both: underestimated and wrote. In any case, there is no reason to use two different tenses in the sentence. Here is another example, this time a little more complicated:

▶ All of the guests ate the stew, but only two showed symptoms of food poisoning.

It’s true that the events (ate, showed) in both clauses of the example occurred in the past, but can we be certain that the symptoms were a result of eating the stew? Could the guests have had the symptoms already? The sentence isn’t really clear.

▶ All of the guests ate the stew, but only two showed symptoms of food poisoning.

By changing the verb tense in the first clause to the past perfect , we show clearly that the stew was eaten before the food poisoning occurred. (We may never know what caused the illness, but at least we know the sequence of events.)

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298 Editing QuotAtionSE-4

Edit

Edit the following sentence to eliminate any confusing shifts in tense. Assume that the writing has to follow APA format for verb tenses.

Levi (2013) notes that the trade deficit decreases from 2005 to 2015, but he warns that the improvement may be reversed because the new treaty will go into effect in 2020.

❯❯ SEE S-4 and S-9a for more on how to edit confusing shifts in tense. Go to digital.wwnorton.com/littleseagull3 for additional practice.

E-4 Editing Quotations

In academic writing, you are required not only to express your own ideas, but also to incorporate the ideas of other authors. In a way, you are engaging in a conversation with your sources, whether you draw from Aristotle, Toni Morrison, or a classmate. Your success as a writer has a lot to do with how well you weave your sources’ ideas in with your own without your readers ever having to wonder who said what. Editing your work for citation and documentation issues therefore involves two main tasks:

• incorporating any words of others that you quote into your text so that everything flows smoothly

• making sure the punctuation, capitalization, and other such ele- ments are correct

The conventions for citing and documenting sources in academic writing are very precise — every period, every comma, every quotation mark has its job to do, and they must be in exactly the right place.

299E-4a incorporating Quotations

E-4a Incorporating Quotations

Whenever we quote something someone else has said, we need to structure the sentences that contain the quoted material so that they read as smoothly as any other sentence. As writers, we need to master our use of language in much the same way that musicians have to master their instruments, and in both cases, it’s not easy. Just as musicians playing together in an orchestra (or a garage band) have to coordinate with one another in tempo, key, and melody, you have to make sure that your words and those of others that you quote fit together smoothly.

Checking to see that quotations are incorporated smoothly

One good way to begin checking a draft to see how well any quota- tions have been incorporated is to read it aloud, or better yet, get someone else to read it aloud to you. If the reader (you or someone else) stumbles over a passage and has to go back and read the sen- tence again, you can be fairly certain that some changes are neces- sary. We can practice with some sentences that quote the following passage from a 2013 Atlantic article about fast food:

Introduced in 1991, the McLean Deluxe was perhaps the boldest single effort the food industry has ever undertaken to shift the masses to healthier eating.

— David Freedman, “How Junk Food Can End Obesity”

Assume that you might not want or need to quote the entire passage, so you incorporate just one part of Freedman’s sentence into one of your sentences, as follows:

▶ Freedman refers to a failed McDonald’s menu item “the McLean Deluxe was perhaps the food industry’s boldest single effort to shift the masses to healthier eating.”

If you read the sentence aloud, you should be able to notice that it is awkwardly structured and even hard to understand. Also, do you notice that the quoted section doesn’t exactly match the author’s words? Some of the words from the original are missing and some

300 E-4a Editing QuotAtionS

others have been added. Changing an author’s words in a quoted section is only allowed if the original meaning is not altered in any way. Also, you need to indicate to your readers that you’ve modified the author’s words. Let’s see how we can go about fixing these things.

Editing sentences that include quotations

There are two ways of smoothly incorporating quoted material. One strategy is to adjust your own words to accommodate the quoted material; another is to lightly modify the quoted material to fit your sentence. Here’s one way we might edit our sentence by adjusting our own words:

▶ Freedman refers to a failed McDonald’s menu item, “the McLean Deluxe was perhaps the food industry’s boldest single effort to shift

the masses to healthier eating.”

Let’s look at what we did. First, we changed the first two words. The meaning didn’t change; only the structure did. Then, we added a signal phrase (Freedman notes that) to introduce the quoted words. So far so good. But what about the places where we changed the author’s words? If you modify an author’s words, you need to signal to your readers what changes you’ve made, and there are precise conventions for doing that. Enclose anything you add or change within the quotation itself in square brackets ([ ]), and insert ellipses ( . . . ) to show where any content from the original has been omitted.

▶ Referring to a failed McDonald’s menu item, Freedman notes that

“the McLean Deluxe was perhaps the [food industry’s] boldest single effort . . . to shift the masses to healthier eating.”

With minimal changes, the sentence now has all the necessary parts and reads smoothly. Note the two things we’ve done to modify the quotation. We’ve enclosed the words we added—food industry’s—in square brackets, and we’ve inserted ellipses in place of the six words that were omitted from Freedman’s sentence. It’s worth repeating here that it is only permissible to add or delete words if the meaning of the quotation isn’t substantially altered.

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301E-4b Punctuating Quotations

Edit

Here is another sentence based on the Freedman passage:

Freedman talks about an earlier effort the McLean Deluxe by McDonald’s was perhaps the boldest try to shift the masses to healthier eating.

First, you’ll have to make a few changes to help the sentence read smoothly. There are several ways to do that, but try to make as few changes as possible. Once the sentence reads smoothly, compare it with the original passage to see where you might need square brackets (for added material) or ellipses (to show where words have been removed). By the way, you don’t have to put McLean Deluxe in quotation marks because it was not a term coined by Freedman.

❯❯ SEE E-4b , R-4 , and P-4 for more on how to incorporate quotations. Go to digital.wwnorton.com/littleseagull3 for additional practice.

E-4b Punctuating Quotations

Citation conventions exist to help us clearly distinguish our words from the words of our sources, and one way we do that is by punc- tuating quotations carefully. When you quote someone’s exact words, you need to attend to four elements: quotation marks, capitalization, commas, and end punctuation. These elements let your readers know which words are yours and which are the words of someone else.

Checking to see how any quoted material is punctuated

Here is another sentence taken from the Atlantic article about fast food; let’s use it in a variety of ways in order to show how to capitalize and punctuate sentences that quote from this passage.

A slew of start-ups are trying to find ways of producing fresh, local, unprocessed meals quickly and at lower cost.

— David Freedman, “How Junk Food Can End Obesity”

302 E-4b Editing QuotAtionS

You might write a sentence such as this one:

▶ It may one day be possible to get fast food that is healthy and affordable since a slew of start-ups are trying to find ways, according to David Freedman.

Structurally, the sentence is fine, but it includes a direct quotation from Freedman without letting readers know which words are his and which are yours. Even if you used Freedman’s exact words acci- dentally, it would still be plagiarism , which may carry a stiff penalty. The sentence needs to be edited.

Editing quotations to indicate who said what

There are numerous ways to edit the above sentence to make clear who said what. Here is one option:

▶ It may one day be possible to get fast food that is healthy and

affordable. since slew of start-ups are trying to find ways,.”according to Freedman.

What changed? First, we added quotation marks to enclose Freed- man’s exact words. Second, we broke the sentence into two and started the second one with the signal phrase According to Freedman, followed by a comma. Third, we capitalized the first letter of the quo- tation. Since A was capitalized in the original quotation, no brackets are necessary. Finally, notice the period. The sentence ends with the quoted material, so the period goes inside the quotation marks. Now let’s look at how you might go about editing another sentence.

▶ Freedman asserts that many new businesses are working to develop fresh, local, unprocessed meals quickly and at lower cost.

Check your four elements. First, insert any necessary quotation marks; make sure they enclose Freedman’s exact words. Second, is any additional capitalization necessary? If so, capitalize the appro- priate word(s). Third, if there’s a signal phrase before the quoted material, does it need to be followed by a comma? Finally, make sure

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303E-4b Punctuating Quotations

any end punctuation is in the right place. Try editing the sentence yourself before you look at the revision below.

▶ Freedman asserts that many new businesses are working to develop “fresh, local, unprocessed meals quickly and at lower cost.” The quoted portion is not a complete sentence, and we placed it in the middle of ours, so no capitalization was necessary. We didn’t insert a comma because his words flow smoothly within the larger sentence. Since the sentence ends with the quoted material, we put the period inside the quotation marks. Depending on the documentation style that you are using, you may need to provide parenthetical information at the end of any sentences that include quoted material. Some styles require that you name the author(s) if you haven’t named them earlier in the sen- tence, along with the page number(s) where their words appeared. Here’s how you would do so in MLA and APA style requirements.

MLA Freedman asserts that many new businesses are working to develop “fresh, local, unprocessed meals quickly and at lower cost” (82).

APA Freedman asserted that many new businesses are working to develop “fresh, local, unprocessed meals quickly and at lower cost” (2013, p. 82).

One more important point: notice that with parenthetical documen- tation, the final period of the sentence is no longer inside the quota- tion marks; it is after the parentheses. Consult the Chicago and cSE chapters to find out what kind of documentation each style requires.

Edit

The following sentences cite the passage from Freedman’s essay; they need to be formatted properly in order to read smoothly and also to show more clearly which words are the writer’s and which are Freed- man’s. Remember the four elements: quotation marks, capitalization, commas, and end punctuation.

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304 Editing coMMASE-5

Healthy and affordable fast food may not be a reality yet, but we may not have too long to wait. As Freedman explains a slew of start-ups are trying to find ways to bring such meals to market.

It is possible to edit the sentence using only the four elements and not adding, subtracting, or changing any words. Try it.

❯❯ SEE P-1g , P-4 , and P-8c for more on how to edit documentation. Go to digital.wwnorton.com/littleseagull3 for additional practice.

E-5 Editing Commas

Ideas are made out of words, right? So why should we care about commas? Well, here’s why — they help those words make more sense. Nobody wants to have to read the same sentence two or three times in order to get it. Well-placed commas can make your sentence clear and easy to read — and can help keep the words (and ideas) correctly grouped together. Read this next sentence out loud:

▶ The boxer exhausted and pounded on wearily left the ring.

So. Did you start off expecting to read about the boxer’s opponent who was getting “exhausted and pounded on”? Did you have to go back and start over? Bet you did. Well-placed commas would have immediately pointed us all in the right direction — like this:

▶ The boxer, exhausted and pounded on, wearily left the ring. There are a lot of ways to err with commas. You might omit one that’s necessary or place one where it doesn’t belong. Even profes- sional writers sometimes have trouble deciding where (and where not) to put a comma, and it’s not always a big deal. This chapter won’t make you a comma superstar, but it will show you how to edit your work for two of the comma problems that matter most to instructors and other readers: the commas that set off introductory

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305E-5a introductory information

information and the commas that distinguish between essential and nonessential information.

E-5a Introductory Information

English sentences generally begin with a subject . Without ever really thinking about it, those of us who read and write in English have an expectation that the first thing we read in a sentence will be its subject. Often, however (like right now), we begin a sentence in a different way. In academic writing especially, we might vary the structure of our sentences just to make our writing interesting. One way we vary our sentences is by starting some of them with introductory words, phrases, or even clauses. And usually we use a comma to set off those introductory words. That comma signals to readers that they haven’t gotten to the subject yet; what they are seeing is additional information that is important enough to go first. For example:

▶ In Georgia, Lee’s book jumped quickly to the top of the best-seller list.

Without the comma, readers might think the author’s name was Georgia Lee, and they would get very lost in the sentence. Intro- ductory words don’t always cause so much confusion; in fact, some authors omit the comma if the introductory element is very short (one, two, or three words). Still, adding the comma after the intro- ductory information is never wrong and demonstrates the care you take with your work.

Checking for commas after introductory information

▶ Initially the council proposed five miles of new bike paths; they later revised the proposal.

To check for introductory information, you should first identify the verb — in this case, proposed. OK, now what’s the subject? (In other words, who or what proposed?) The subject here is the council. Everything that goes before the subject is introductory information, so the comma goes between that information and the subject.

306 E-5a Editing coMMAS

▶ Initially, the council proposed five miles of new bike paths; they later revised the proposal.

In the example above, the introductory element is only one word, and the comma could have been omitted, but its presence adds a little extra emphasis to the word initially, and in fact, that emphasis is probably why the author chose to put that word at the beginning, before the subject. The comma definitely helps. And sometimes, introductory elements can cause confusion:

▶ Tired and discouraged by the unsuccessful search for the fugitive Sgt. Drexler the detective and her squad returned to headquarters.

In this example, the introductory information is much longer, and without an appropriate comma, readers have no way of knowing if Sgt. Drexler is the name of the fugitive, the name of the detective, or someone else entirely. Let’s imagine that Drexler is the fugitive. With one well-placed comma, the sentence is now perfectly clear.

▶ Tired and discouraged by the unsuccessful search for the fugitive Sgt. Drexler, the detective and her squad returned to headquarters.

Editing for commas after introductory information

Let’s take a look at a few examples to see how we can figure out where to put commas with introductory elements. The following sentence needs a comma; where should it go?

▶ For the first three scoreless innings Clark struggled to stay awake.

How do you know where to put the comma? Let’s follow the steps described in this chapter. First, identify the verb: struggled. Next, identify the subject — in other words, who or what struggled? The subject here is Clark, and everything that precedes it is introductory information.

▶ For the first three scoreless innings, Clark struggled to stay awake. Here is one more example. Follow the same procedure to determine where to put the comma.

▶ In the chaotic final episode of season 2 the shocking plot twists left viewers breathless.

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307E-5b Essential and nonessential information

In this example, the comma should go after 2; the verb in the sen- tence is left, and the complete subject is the shocking plot twists. Every- thing that goes before the subject is introductory information, so the comma falls between that information and the subject:

▶ In the chaotic final episode of season 2, the shocking plot twists left viewers breathless.

Edit

Try editing the following sentence by inserting a comma after the introductory information. Remember the technique: first, find the verb; second, find the subject. The comma goes before the subject because everything that precedes it is introductory information.

Behind the parade marshal and the color guard the sponsors’ convertible carrying the Founders’ Day Queen will proceed along Cunningham Street.

❯❯ SEE P-1b for more on how to edit for commas after introductory information. Go to digital.wwnorton.com/littleseagull3 for addi- tional practice.

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